Well, my roommate is about to leave me which will put me into a brief sadness. To protect his identity, let us pretend that his name is "Mike." Mike and I have had the displeasure of knowing each other for a few years now. When I first met him, he was a raging alcoholic with a drinking problem. Today, as he is leaving me, he has transformed into a raging alcoholic with a drinking problem. I will miss him not, dearly.
However, things will not be the same once he is gone. For instance, I will no longer be able to walk around the apartment naked. It will just be weird. I will now have to learn to apply my bleach kit by myself. I feel as if my shade will never be the same. The thing I will miss most is walking into the apartment after work to find that it no longer smells like someone defecated a rotten walrus uterus covered in Jack Daniels. No longer will I have a friend to help me shake a bear, enjoy a warm bowl of eel soup, or talk about all the girls that aren't interested in him.
It has been a good couple of months that we have spent living together. Lots of memories. Some that I am seeing a therapist about. I will miss you "Mike." We probably won't cross paths ever again, because you know that if you get in my path I'll kick your a$$. So long, sucker.
-Nom
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Tough Loss To Ourselves
Believe it or not, when your opponent goes on a 22-4 run to start the game, you end up being down by 18. Hard to believe, but it has been proven by statisticians and the Musketeers. Although we played a great game towards the end of the first half and for most of the second, we beat ourselves like it was the first time we discovered our male member. Let's be real. We beat Notre Lame and some high school to get ourselves into the Sweet 16. We had a good run, and screwed up a lot of brackets while doing so. Anyhow, let's look at some of the positive things to take away from this game.
1. We have provided an awesome 'highlighter' real for the big bald guy (there's a pun in there)
2. Frease has proved that he can actually play a sport
3. We didn't have to embarrassed by the unibrow of death
4. Most importantly, we made it 1 day farther in the tournament than UC
Overall, it was a good year, and I can't wait to see X get back on that court this fall. Well, it's time for Xavier to zip up their khaki pants and make the long drive to Cincinnati.
-Nom
1. We have provided an awesome 'highlighter' real for the big bald guy (there's a pun in there)
2. Frease has proved that he can actually play a sport
3. We didn't have to embarrassed by the unibrow of death
4. Most importantly, we made it 1 day farther in the tournament than UC
Overall, it was a good year, and I can't wait to see X get back on that court this fall. Well, it's time for Xavier to zip up their khaki pants and make the long drive to Cincinnati.
-Nom
Thursday, March 22, 2012
March Sadness (continued)
It has been brought to my attention that my blog titled "March Sadness" was very busch league, and does not display my full blogging potential. So, in order to hate on the haters, I've decided to post more evidence on why my blog was worthy of being brought to the attention of the readers. Let me start with a picture:
They say that a picture is worth a thousand words, but I say this one is worth about a thousand pounds. Maybe I should give props to the Lehigh basketball players. It seems as if they were able to get every cheerleader pregnant a few months before March Madness. Instead of working out at the gym I think I'll join the Lehigh cheer leading team - I'll be benching 350 in no time. The insults can go on, but I think I have proven my point.
If you were wondering where I got this image, all I did was Google "Lehigh Cheerleaders" and the first hit was titled "Lehigh Has The Worst Cheerleaders Of All Time." If you don't believe me, check it out. http://www.terezowens.com/lehigh-has-the-worst-cheerleaders-of-all-time/
Haters gonna hate, Lehigh cheerleaders gonna eat.
-Nom
They say that a picture is worth a thousand words, but I say this one is worth about a thousand pounds. Maybe I should give props to the Lehigh basketball players. It seems as if they were able to get every cheerleader pregnant a few months before March Madness. Instead of working out at the gym I think I'll join the Lehigh cheer leading team - I'll be benching 350 in no time. The insults can go on, but I think I have proven my point.
If you were wondering where I got this image, all I did was Google "Lehigh Cheerleaders" and the first hit was titled "Lehigh Has The Worst Cheerleaders Of All Time." If you don't believe me, check it out. http://www.terezowens.com/lehigh-has-the-worst-cheerleaders-of-all-time/
Haters gonna hate, Lehigh cheerleaders gonna eat.
-Nom
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Read This If You're Fat Or Skinny...
Good evening,
Today I would like to talk to you about food discipline. No, I'm not talking about spanking your cheeseburger. (although it might help by squeezing some of the mayonnaise out) I'm referring to the practice of eating better foods to help slow down your weight gain. You're probably asking yourself, "how can this be done?" Well, let me tell you about an ancient torture technique that has helped me, and will probably not help you but you can read about it anyways.
The origin of this torture practice is unknown. However, smart people believe that it was used by the ancient Mesopotamians during the battle of 1812 BC. It was said that when they captured Native Americans (they were also fat because they were American) they would torment the POWs because it makes this story sound better. The details are gruesome, but here is a condensed version for your reading pleasure:
The first step in the process to go to this website 'http://www.acandystore.com/peanut-mms-bulk-10lb.html' and buy the 10 pound bag of peanut M&Ms. Now, this next part is tricky. Wait for the M&Ms to arrive in the mail. OK, now that you have the peanut M&Ms you want to weigh the 10 pound bag to make sure you didn't get ripped off. If you did, go buy some single servings of M&Ms and fill up your bag until it weighs ten pounds so that you can tell people you have a ten pound bag of M&Ms. Now, everyday when you come home from work you will be hungry because you are fat. Go to your colossal bag of M&Ms and eat one. Please note: only eat one. Then, spend the next 30-60 minutes of your time staring at the bag of M&Ms. Not only will this help you with self discipline, but if it fails, you still have 10 lbs of peanut M&Ms that you can eat.
-Nom
Today I would like to talk to you about food discipline. No, I'm not talking about spanking your cheeseburger. (although it might help by squeezing some of the mayonnaise out) I'm referring to the practice of eating better foods to help slow down your weight gain. You're probably asking yourself, "how can this be done?" Well, let me tell you about an ancient torture technique that has helped me, and will probably not help you but you can read about it anyways.
The origin of this torture practice is unknown. However, smart people believe that it was used by the ancient Mesopotamians during the battle of 1812 BC. It was said that when they captured Native Americans (they were also fat because they were American) they would torment the POWs because it makes this story sound better. The details are gruesome, but here is a condensed version for your reading pleasure:
The first step in the process to go to this website 'http://www.acandystore.com/peanut-mms-bulk-10lb.html' and buy the 10 pound bag of peanut M&Ms. Now, this next part is tricky. Wait for the M&Ms to arrive in the mail. OK, now that you have the peanut M&Ms you want to weigh the 10 pound bag to make sure you didn't get ripped off. If you did, go buy some single servings of M&Ms and fill up your bag until it weighs ten pounds so that you can tell people you have a ten pound bag of M&Ms. Now, everyday when you come home from work you will be hungry because you are fat. Go to your colossal bag of M&Ms and eat one. Please note: only eat one. Then, spend the next 30-60 minutes of your time staring at the bag of M&Ms. Not only will this help you with self discipline, but if it fails, you still have 10 lbs of peanut M&Ms that you can eat.
-Nom
Monday, March 19, 2012
Man Makers
Well, I just started week 3 of my "man makers" workout. It is basically a 15 count exercise that involves 15 lb weights and a pull-up bar. This workout routine is finally turning me into a man, because we all know puberty sure as hell didn't.
Anyways, I started taking whey protein after my workouts. That stuff is like a real life cheat code for getting jacked. I feel like my life previous to whey protein has been a waste. (as if I ever worked out)
There is only 1 downside that I've noticed to taking the protein. It gives you the most rank, foul flatulence that you could ever imagine. Now, most of you are probably thinking this is a bad thing. But I, like most things, look at this in a positive light. For instance, I ran much faster during physical training today. Not because I wanted to get a better workout, or because I was trying to get in shape. No. I ran fast so I could crop dust as many poor souls as I could. Those naïve joggers had no idea what they were about to swallow. I can only imagine how overwhelming it must have been to be out of breath from running, and then taking in as much air as you can only to find that it has been tainted by this guy. Nom - 1, Slow People - 0. I have just single-handedly increased the running time of the entire flight, because we all know that they will be running in front of me next week. :-)
- Nom
Anyways, I started taking whey protein after my workouts. That stuff is like a real life cheat code for getting jacked. I feel like my life previous to whey protein has been a waste. (as if I ever worked out)
There is only 1 downside that I've noticed to taking the protein. It gives you the most rank, foul flatulence that you could ever imagine. Now, most of you are probably thinking this is a bad thing. But I, like most things, look at this in a positive light. For instance, I ran much faster during physical training today. Not because I wanted to get a better workout, or because I was trying to get in shape. No. I ran fast so I could crop dust as many poor souls as I could. Those naïve joggers had no idea what they were about to swallow. I can only imagine how overwhelming it must have been to be out of breath from running, and then taking in as much air as you can only to find that it has been tainted by this guy. Nom - 1, Slow People - 0. I have just single-handedly increased the running time of the entire flight, because we all know that they will be running in front of me next week. :-)
- Nom
Friday, March 16, 2012
March Sadness
See what I did in the title? Now it's funny.
You probably thought I was going to talk about some huge upsets, like Duke losing to Le-high school, or Misery losing to the Folks of Nor. No, my March Sadness is due to the obesity rates of the Lehigh cheerleaders. Have you seen these girls? I haven't seen this many fat chicks since the the Creighton game. Speaking of which, did you see the fat cheerleaders for Creighton? Anyways, I digest....
Remind me to tell you about my freshman year college roommate...
Thursday, March 15, 2012
And thus it begins...
Hello person of the internet... This is my first attempt at writing a 'blog'. (aka: I'm desperate for attention) I hope to provide my follower (singular) with some good stories, insights, and chuckles to help them pass time, or just plain waste it. Think about it. By reading this right now you have just wasted a few minutes of your life that you will never get back. Nom - 1, You - 0.
Well, off to watch some college basketball players get there 40 minutes of fame.
Remind me all to tell you about my freshman year roommate sometime....
-Nom
Well, off to watch some college basketball players get there 40 minutes of fame.
Remind me all to tell you about my freshman year roommate sometime....
-Nom
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