This one is for you, Anthony Weiner

You've probably sat at home wondering which of your friends are perverts.  Well, I have a fool-proof solution to your problem.  All you have to do is download the app "Snapchat" and see which of your friends currently have an account.  That's all there is to it.

You're probably wondering what Snapchat is, so let me fill you in.  It's this cool picture taking app where you can send your friends and relatives a picture of your dick without any repercussions.  Well, I take that back.  Thanksgiving and Christmas may become even more awkward.   

The app itself was clearly created for sexting, which is the act of sending nude photos to someone else that you may or may not know.  Imagine where Brett Favre and Scarlett Johansson would be today if they had only downloaded this app.  Fortunately for us they didn't, because then we would have never been able to see these sexy photos.

The cool part is that you take the picture through the app so that it doesn't save the photos to your phone.  Then you determine how long you want the other person to view it.  The lowest time limit is 1 second, and the longest you can share it is 10 seconds.  But if you're good, the image you send will stain your sister's mind for a lifetime.  After you determine the duration, you can insert text on top of the photo.  Things like, "Look! It's 14" flaccid" and, "Guess which part of my body this is" always add extra spice to the photo.

Thus far, I've only shared pictures of my feces floating around in a toilet bowl.  My creativity can only go up from here. :-D

-Nom

For Everyone Wondering

Here is the proof... This guy is a perv.

 












(This is the guy from P90X.  He's more obnoxious than erectile dysfunction advertisements.)

A New Year

Hello all,

I've decided that it is time I post another blog.  I know some of you have been complaining about my absence, but this is my blog so I do what I want.  Get your own.

Since today is January 1st, I should probably write about something to do with my new year’s resolution.  But my only resolution this year is to start blogging more.  So far I'm golden.

 

There is one particular story that I would like to share with you about a recent experience of mine that I'm very fond of.  My wife, Nobin, and I attend a local church that likes to put us in awkward situations.  Someone gets up in front before the service starts, and says something along the lines of, "greet those around you and ask them how you can pray for them today." It just seems like an awkward question to me.  I don't really want to know the sins of the people sitting around me are.

Well, last Sunday as I sat waiting for this awkward moment, I tried to think of something normal that I could say where the person behind me wouldn't judge me the rest of the day.  I couldn't think of anything, and next thing I know I am shaking hands with the person behind me, and they ask, "How can I pray for you today?"  Well, mid hand-shake, all I could come up with was, "I struggle with masturbation."

It was a 70 year old lady… I'm just thankful she didn't respond with, "I can help you with that. ;-)"

I would bet my life savings that the individual sitting behind me that day will never be shaking my hand again.  I'm just hoping that makes it into the church bulletin.

One more thing… I got a massage the other day.  Here are my thoughts…

To sum it up in one sentence: it is basically a constant struggle between pure relaxation, and fighting off a hard-on.  The foot massage portion was great and all, but it got awkward when she started licking my toes.  Oh, and I purchased the “whole body massage” package… well, it turns out to be about 98% of the body.  Pretty big disappointment.  The worst part of it all was that it was a one hour massage, but I spent the last 58 minutes thinking about when she’s going to ask me if I’d like a happy ending.  That made time fly, and I pretty much missed the whole thing.  Better luck next time I suppose.

-Nom